The holiday season, with its emphasis on joy, togetherness, and celebration, can be particularly challenging for those of us who have experienced loss. My (Amy's) mom passed away last year, and the holidays have been especially hard without her, as we were very close. Whether you has lost someone to death, distance, or the complications of mental health struggles, the hollow echo of family member's absence can make the festive season feel more like a gauntlet to be endured than a time of celebration.
Acknowledging the Pain and Redefining Traditions
First and foremost, it's crucial to acknowledge that feelings of loneliness and grief are valid. In a world that often pushes positivity, especially during the holidays, giving oneself permission to feel sad, angry, or empty is a radical act of self-compassion. As Megan Devine, grief advocate and author, reminds us, "Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."[1]
As well, the holidays are often steeped in tradition, which can make the absence of loved ones feel even more pronounced. However, this can also be an opportunity to redefine what the season means. Consider creating new rituals that honour loved ones while also nurturing your current needs such as:
- Light a candle or set a place at the table for those who are no longer present.
- Cook their favourite dish and share memories of them with friends or support group members.
- Volunteer for a cause they cared about
-Put on their favourite music, sit quietly and listen
It's important to remember that it's okay if these new traditions feel bittersweet. Healing doesn't mean forgetting; it means finding ways to carry loved ones forward as one moves through life.
Connecting with Community
Loneliness often thrives in isolation, so reaching out to others can be a powerful antidote. You can consider:
- Attending support groups, either in-person or online, specifically for those dealing with holiday grief.
- Connecting with friends who understand your journey. Sometimes, simply sitting in comfortable silence with someone who understands can be more healing than any words.
- Engaging with online communities that align with one's experiences. Many faith communities offer opportunities to connect over the holidays
Honouring Your Needs
The holidays often come with a barrage of social expectations and obligations. In the face of loss, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being. Here are some ways to honour your needs:
- It's okay to say no to invitations or traditions that feel overwhelming.
- Give yourself permission to leave events early if you are feeling drained.
- Create quiet spaces for reflection and self-care amidst the holiday bustle.
Additionally, it's important to be mindful of substance use during this potentially challenging time. While alcohol and cannabis (for us Canadians!) are often prevalent at holiday gatherings, it's perfectly acceptable to abstain. These substances can amplify existing emotions and potentially complicate the grieving process. Individuals should feel empowered to make choices that support their emotional well-being, which may include declining offers of alcohol or cannabis. For those who choose to partake, moderation and self-awareness are key. It can be helpful to have a plan in place for managing consumption and to identify supportive friends or resources to turn to if needed.
Finding Meaning in Your Experiences of Loss
In Mad Studies, there is often discussion about finding meaning in experiences, even the painful ones. The holidays, with their emphasis on reflection and renewal, can be a time to explore how loss has shaped an individual:
- Consider journaling about the lessons a loved one taught, or the strengths discovered through the grieving process.
- Create art that expresses feelings about the holidays and loss. Many find that creative expression can articulate emotions that words alone cannot capture.
- Reflect on how the experience of loss intersects with one's spirituality. How has your faith influenced understanding of community, care, or resilience?
Looking Forward While Honouring the Past
As the year draws to a close, it's natural to feel a mix of emotions – grief for what's been lost, anxiety about the future, and perhaps a glimmer of hope for what's to come. Remember that moving forward doesn't mean leaving loved ones behind. They remain a part of one's story, influencing who you are and also who you are becoming. If you are experiencing loneliness and grieving following loss this holiday season, remember you are not alone. We at the Mad & Crip Theology Press are with you in spirit, and we honour all the complex emotions that come with this time of year. May you find gentle moments of comfort and connection as you navigate these days.
[1] Quoted in: Premack Sandler, Elana. “Everything Doesn’t Happen For A Reason | Psychology Today Canada.” Accessed August 12, 2024. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201601/everything-doesn-t-happen-reason.
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